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Does my mom have Dementia?

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Unread 03-04-2008, 12:50 AM   #1
styln122874
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Confused Does my mom have Dementia?

For a while now I have noticed that my mother who is 60y/o just doesn't seem right in so many ways. I think she has the signs of dementia but I am not sure. I hope someone can help me figure out her problem and help me with ideas to get her the help she so desperately needs. She is very forgetful, having problems managing finances, hypocondriac, personality changes (very stand-offish...you cannot confront her in anyway), mood swings, angry, poor judgment, paranoid, got lost in a familular town the other day, tells stories but the next time she tells them she changes everything or she repeats her stories very often and truly believes she is telling a true story when in fact she is not,she repeats her stories often, aggressive, agitated, thinks the world revolves around her and no one else matters, depressed severely (says she would be better off if she was gone). The past 3 months has been the worst. My father is in the end stage of COPD and has recently been hospitalized for 9 weeks. The doctors said that there was nothing they could do. We were basically holding his hand waiting for him to go. But by the power of God he has recovered somewhat to live at home again. My mother through all of this has hated that he was getting all the attention and everything my father was diagnosed with she just "happened" to have. She told me to let my father go because the insurance was going to run out on life time days and she didn't want to be stuck with the bills. I was the one with hope and she was telling me to stop fooling myself that he would never come home. She has become to hate my father because everyone is so close to him. She was flooded 7months ago so they have been up rooted from their home and given a FEMA trailer to live in but she lives with me and makes him stay alone. That is not the case since he has returned home from the hospital. I pretty much made her move over there and take care of him at night and I take care of him the days. She cannot be confronted. If she is, then she hates you and will not talk to you for months and then you have to tell her your sorry for her to take you back in her life. Everything is about her. She goes behind dad to get plastic surgery done to better herself she says but complains that she has to get him things at the store that he needs because they don't have the money. She is a very angry person. She even goes to the extreme by telling her co-workers that dad is mean and yells at her. My whole family can say that it is the other way around. He would not do that to her. He does love her but I can't say the same about her. This is not the mother that I grew up with. She was a loving and caring person. Now she is this self revolved person that no one can stand. I don't know if it is dementia or not. But the symptoms point to her. If it is how do you tell someone that is so angry and non-confrontational that they need to seek help? She thinks everyone else has the problem, not her. I am sorry for writing a book here but I know you need to know her to give advise. Thank you for any help I can get.
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Unread 03-06-2008, 09:19 PM   #2
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First, I am so sorry that you are in this situation. My MIL just passed from dementia and it is a tough thing to deal with. We now feel my FIL has it...
Contact your local alzheimer's association and get some help. You certainly are not alone in this. You need to get legal documents in place if they are not there so you can take care of here such as durable power of attorney and living wills. She needs to be evaluated by a doctor who knows dementia and who may be able to suggst things to help her - and it can be things such as thyroid, vitamins - in other words, reversable and treatable things that can cause dementia - or it can be the real thing. So she needs a real good physical. It is hard that with the personality changes, all becomes confrontational - it is that way with my FIL. They get very fixated on strange things and night and day get reversed and the anger is something else.
Get her to a geriatric doctor, get a lawyer, get help (you need it), get advice, and take care too, of yourself - as this is very.. well, draining.. like you said - this is not the mother you know. Sorry to say, she does not know herself either.
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Unread 12-10-2009, 10:38 PM   #3
megatrends
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My Dad was diagnosed with Dementia a few years ago, his doctor tested him and he also had CT scans and an MRI which showed brain atrophy.

You should know that Dementia comes in many forms and you could have 30 Dementia patieints in one room and none of them will all show the same symptoms.

There are some common ones however like locking a door and then they check it again sometimes several times to make sure it is locked.

Sometimes unreasonable worry like my Dad would lay awake all night worrying about the natural gas pill on the side of the building maybe blowing up or something.

One thing he did was to have difficulty sleeping and having thoughts running through his head all night long.

he would also set his alarm clock to get the news paper as soon as it came, premake his coffee and place what he would eat for breakfast on the table and then go back to sleep and get up later on normally.

His main issues turned into judgment issues which resulted in our talking him out of driving a car any longer after a few traffic island crossovers and blowing out his tires.

He had common sense issues and did not become forgetful so remember that .... many forms of Dementia exist.

he is now 81 and in a nursing home and can barely walk, he can no longer go to the bathroom by himself and now has difficulty speaking.

he is NOT forgetful still though lately he cannot recognize his own bed in there.

He does not have much time left and I visit him everyday and have since he went in there.

i was his live in caregiver for the last two years so I know how hard this can be for someone taking care of someone else who needs help. It would be so much easier dealing with someone who just needs help with physical things but throw in the dementia and cripes, what a nightmare to deal with.

I understand completely.

be strong and get to a doctor to evaluate exactly what this problem is.

Also as a side note be sure to make arrangements to acquire power of attorney for whomever they choose as the person to take care of them to make medical and financial decisions. The medical POA is the easiest to get and many hospitals have a Notary available and the paperwork to get this done.

My Dad right now has the mental capacity of a 5 year old and this was one of the best things I ever did while he was still there enough to decide for himself. it is probably the most important thing to have done when the time comes because eventually they will not be able to make their own decisions so you need this done before that happens because they need to be of sound mind to even make this happen.

good luck and best wishes in finding out what this is.
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Unread 12-21-2009, 01:47 AM   #4
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your mother sounds a lot like me, but I cannot help you. Try talking to her doctor.
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Unread 04-27-2010, 01:54 PM   #5
lkjr02062
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Confused

I was wonderign if styln122874 had any updates on her mother? My mom just turned 61 and what was written sounds exactly how she has been acting over the past year. Any updates/guidance would be greatly appreciated.
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Unread 08-06-2011, 06:35 AM   #6
jessieno116
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Quote:
Originally Posted by styln122874 View Post
For a while now I have noticed that my mother who is 60y/o just doesn't seem right in so many ways. I think she has the signs of dementia but I am not sure. I hope someone can help me figure out her problem and help me with ideas to get her the help she so desperately needs. She is very forgetful, having problems managing finances, hypocondriac, personality changes (very stand-offish...you cannot confront her in anyway), mood swings, angry, poor judgment, paranoid, got lost in a familular town the other day, tells stories but the next time she tells them she changes everything or she repeats her stories very often and truly believes she is telling a true story when in fact she is not,she repeats her stories often, aggressive, agitated, thinks the world revolves around her and no one else matters, depressed severely (says she would be better off if she was gone). The past 3 months has been the worst. My father is in the end stage of COPD and has recently been hospitalized for 9 weeks. The doctors said that there was nothing they could do. We were basically holding his hand waiting for him to go. But by the power of God he has recovered somewhat to live at home again. My mother through all of this has hated that he was getting all the attention and everything my father was diagnosed with she just "happened" to have. She told me to let my father go because the insurance was going to run out on life time days and she didn't want to be stuck with the bills. I was the one with hope and she was telling me to stop fooling myself that he would never come home. She has become to hate my father because everyone is so close to him. She was flooded 7months ago so they have been up rooted from their home and given a FEMA trailer to live in but she lives with me and makes him stay alone. That is not the case since he has returned home from the hospital. I pretty much made her move over there and take care of him at night and I take care of him the days. She cannot be confronted. If she is, then she hates you and will not talk to you for months and then you have to tell her your sorry for her to take you back in her life. Everything is about her. She goes behind dad to get plastic surgery done to better herself she says but complains that she has to get him things at the store that he needs because they don't have the money. She is a very angry person. She even goes to the extreme by telling her co-workers that dad is mean and yells at her. My whole family can say that it is the other way around. He would not do that to her. He does love her but I can't say the same about her. This is not the mother that I grew up with. She was a loving and caring person. Now she is this self revolved person that no one can stand. I don't know if it is dementia or not. But the symptoms point to her. If it is how do you tell someone that is so angry and non-confrontational that they need to seek help? She thinks everyone else has the problem, not her. I am sorry for writing a book here but I know you need to know her to give advise. Thank you for any help I can get.
This sounds exactly like my mother. Did your mother end up diagnosed? how are you and her today? hope this doesnt upset you.
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